Are we arguing or are we architecting?
summary
Argues that arguing is useful and reframes conflict as clarification, names three concrete blockers—misaligned incentives, the parking lot that buries issues, and leading by influence not authority—and prescribes concrete tactics: engage before decisions bake, bring multiple options not one defended solution, and apply system patterns to people such as timeouts and retries, exponential backoff and rate limiting, circuit breaker and bulkhead, plus declare the desired state as a control plane to detect drift.
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