~/talk

MONKEYPATCH THE PLANET!

Talkat NodeConf ONE-SHOT Oakland 2014 · on Wednesday, 2014-12-10· [javascript]
slides:none on file

Shows concrete techniques: replacing window.alert by rewriting calls with an AST using falafel, or via a source‑to‑source transform that doubles function calls and forces source maps. Introduces zone jas to monkeypatch all async APIs for continuation local storage, notes runtime overhead from about 0.5% up to pathological 95% and memory blowups to ~18x, and that thousands of production sites (New Relic) run monkey‑patched environments. Built an intermediately sized Hadron Collider that runs patches against common libraries to detect breakage.

AI-written summary · about

  1. 0:00Start
  2. 3:08What if we used a JS parsert
  3. 3:52what if we used a JS parser... more?
  4. 7:02but what about async?
  5. 7:18monkey patch setTimeout!
  6. 7:48what about like... all the other APIs?
  7. 8:06in the browser-Zone.js
  8. 9:57Monkey patcher's Code of Honor
  9. 12:40how to deal with haters
  10. 13:38in summary
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