~/talk

Coding Horrors - A Horror Film Fan's Guide to PHP Coding Nightmares

Talkat Dutch PHP Conference 2018 · 2018-06-07..06-09· [software-architecture]
slides:none on file

Covers concrete PHP mistakes and fixes: storing dates as varchar dates in DMY that break range queries (use DATE/DATETIME types), N+1 database loops and slow joins (replace with JOINs or GROUP_CONCAT carefully), misusing prepared statement bindings for table/column names, dead/commented code and unused parameters, comma‑separated follower lists instead of normalized relations, mysterious octal bugs from leading zeros, huge constructors, careless error suppression with @ and how Scream plus exceptions expose and fix it, and an instance of 21 duplicate functions reduced to one.

AI-written summary · about

  1. 0:00Intro
  2. 1:40Coding Horrors - Friday the 13th
  3. 12:30Coding Horrors - Night of the Living Dead
  4. 18:03Coding Horrors - The Ring (US Remake)
  5. 19:48Coding Horrors - Chain Letter
  6. 25:15Coding Horrors - The Mummy Returns
  7. 27:45Coding Horrors - Halloween
  8. 31:59Coding Horrors - Alien
  9. 34:45Coding Horrors - Se7en
  10. 37:25Coding Horrors - Pan's Labyrinth
  11. 39:31Coding Horrors - Scream
  12. 42:49Coding Horrors - Dawn of the Dead
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