Social Rules, Finger Waggling, and Direct Feedback...
summary
A concise, actionable account of what was actually tried and what changed: a small retreat (Recurse Center) onboards about 30 people every six weeks and adopts four named social rules — no well-actuallys, no feigning surprise, no backseat driving, no subtle-isms — to name and defuse microharm. Interrupting is countered with a finger waggle in meetings and emoji reactions (+1/−1, thumbs) in chat (Zulip). A silly dinosaur emoji flags written constructive feedback. Cited evidence: men interrupt women ~33% more and male justices interrupt female justices ~3× more; these concrete tools reduce derailing and shift remediation to the group.
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chapters (5)
- 0:00Start
- 3:14are called out for breaking a social rule, you apologize and move on
- 8:44Affirmative interrupting
- 9:02The finger waggle vs. the vocalization
- 9:50Derailing interrupting
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16mHacking verbal communication systems
24mKeep talking and no-one explodes – Tips for smooth teams
06mIgnite: Cheat Codes from Occupy
52mFacilitating Safe and Inclusive Feedback
29mFrameworks for Feedback
12mArgue Better with Active Listening
19mHearing and Being Heard - Getting the Entire Team to Speak